


Permanent

by gropingniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Graphic Description, Language, M/M, Niam - Freeform, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-04 19:22:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gropingniall/pseuds/gropingniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both broken to the point of being unable to be fixed, they're both just looking for something to hold on to- something <i>worth it</i>. When they stumble across each other one night, it becomes evident that they need each other more than they've ever needed anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Coffee House

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting a slash fic. Let's see how this goes. Enjoy xx

How can you tell if love is real?

All of us wonder about it constantly, a lot more than we should. It's just something the human mind is constantly asking and stressing over. It's a normal thing that's always getting brought up in the mind because the heart doesn't know most of the time. The heart can get fooled easily and then it ends up broken and nothing can ever heal broken heart completely. The pain always remains, but the person never does. So, it's hard to tell between _infatuation_ or being in _love_. 

Well, love feels like you're falling and this big hole is just swallowing you up and consuming every thought, every move, every concern, every question, every smile, every beat of the heart, everything. It controls everything. 

Niall knows what it's like. Hell, he's still in the middle of his long fall. 

He remembers the first time he saw Liam. He remembers the way Liam's brown eyes sparkled and the way he made Niall's heart pound right through his skin. That was the easy part. Falling in love with Liam was easy because Liam was _Liam_. Liam opened Niall's eyes to a different perspective and he had Niall wanting to shout to the world that Liam was his and nothing could rain on his parade. 

Of course, getting to this point hadn't been easy. Nope not at all.

+

Liam scrubbed his face furiously, trying to erase the evidence of any tears that had made a line down his defined cheeks. A sob bubbled up from his throat as he trudged along the pavement. His breath came out in white puffs in the chilly air and he pulled his tattered and worn red hoodie closer to to his neck to keep the cold out, which did little to no help at all. More tears spilled over his eyes and down his cheeks. His chest and arms and wrists ached from the recent attacks- his skin bruised a deep purple in certain areas and the deep intake of breath he took caused his ribs to knock together uncomfortably. Every breath he took sent a sharp pain up his sides and it made him shiver because he could feel the pain expand out to the rest of his body. His legs felt like jelly beneath his weight. He could tell he had lost more than a few pounds due his recent loss of apatite and his stomach growled loudly, almost echoing in his ears. His throat ached from the repetitive abuse that had been done to it and the air only made it worse when he opened his mouth to yawn.

Up ahead he saw a few kids from his University standing outside of a building and he instantly regretted taking this way. There wasn't one person in his entire school that didn't pick on him and push him around and talk down to him like he was a useless piece of garbage- like he was non-existent. Sometimes he thinks it would be better if he didn't exist, though. Because then he wouldn't have to suffer every damn day from the time he wakes up to the time that he cries himself to sleep. 

 

“Whoa, where ya going there, Payne?” Mike Sanders, the _it_ boy, said as he pressed his palm to Liam's chest to stop him from going any further.

“Back to the rat hole he crawled out of, I'm sure.” Ricky Lawrence joked. The other three boys behind the two all laughed along and Liam felt his heart sink and shatter into his stomach. He was used to this- used to getting laughed at because of the holes in some of his clothes, or the dirtiness of his worn and tattered Converse, or because his lips were too big, or how he looked like a dog of some sort. He had heard it all, but it still managed to break him down a little more each time the hurtful words passed through his ears. Liam wasn't strong mentally and he always managed to tear up at times and that only added on to the shit that everyone spat at him. 

“Piss off.” Liam mumbled. His attempt to push past them was a failure- a weak, almost empty push. 

He was pushed back ten times harder, his head smacking into the brick of the small coffee house that they stood outside of. Liam brought his hands over his head to guard himself, prepared for their kicks and punches. He felt the warm liquid from his head run down along his temple and then down his strong jawline and then down his neck. He didn't bother telling them to stop because what good would it do? He was better off to just take it instead of open his mouth and prolong it like he had done many times before and ended up instantly regretting it. 

“What'd you just fucking say?” A kick to his gut caused him to cough so hard that he felt like he was going to puke up his stomach. 

Every blow shortened his breaths and his lungs burned. He didn't get a chance to inhale like he needed because the kicks were flying at him so fast that he didn't have time to react- all he could do was just sit there and wait until it ended. And of course no one had the fucking kindness in their heart to even attempt to help. Ignorant fucks. 

“Aye, I suggest you bloody fucking wanks back the fuck up!” 

And then the kicks stopped and he could hear them mumbling as they walked away, one of them almost slipping on a small patch of ice that was on the sidewalk. Liam glanced up and a blurred figure came into view, getting clearer and clearer until Liam was face to face with an adorable blond boy with rosy cheeks, pink lips, and eyes as blue as the Pacific Ocean. Liam felt the blush spread lightly across his face when the boy helped him to his feet and pulled the sleeve of his black hoodie up to dab the blood from Liam's temple. 

“Y'alright mate?” 

The Irish accent that the boy had got Liam's attention right quick and he was frozen for a moment, zoning out because of the burning sensation on his temple as the boy dabbed away. 

“Uhm, yeah, I'm fine.” 

Although, Liam wasn't fine. His whole body was aching and he was having trouble catching his breath because the wind that blew by made him feel like he was being suffocated because it was so damn cold. 

“You sure mate?” 

Liam nodded, “I'm sure.”

The boy smiled softly and motioned his head towards the coffee shop, “How about a warm tea on the house, aye?” 

 

+

His name was Niall. Niall Horan and he and his family had moved from Mullingar, Ireland to London, England when his dad had decided to open up several more coffee shops in different locations. Apparently that had money pouring in because Niall explained his life and to Liam it sounded like he lived like a king that had been put on a pedestal. He was popular at his University and he got good grades and Liam was average in the grade department he guessed. He was no genius but he managed to stay away from getting D's and F's at least. The lowest grade Liam's ever got was a C-. He knew he could do better, but with the pressure of everyone and the getting kicked and punched around and his dad always taking advantage and screaming at him and blaming him for his mum's death and invading him to the point where Liam would scream and wake up with panic attacks in the middle of the night, he just didn't put all of his attention on school work. 

“So, you're rich?” Liam asked softly, taking a sip of the tea that Niall had made for him. It felt so good against his raw throat that he was half tempted to chug it, but he didn't want to seem like a complete pig. 

“You could say that.” 

“Wow, must be great. I can't even find a job around here.”

“Yeah, it's hard findin' work in London. My brother can't seem to find a decent place to work either.” 

“He doesn't work here?”

“Nah, he told dad that he didn't want to work in a coffee house forever.” Niall laughed and continued wiping the counters down. “What about you?” Niall continued.

“Oh, I go to a local college in London, but I want to transfer to The London Arts Academy.” 

Niall clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth and took a second to think. “You mean that preforming arts academy?”

Liam nodded shyly, a small blush creeping over his face again. Niall smiled at him and chuckled, “Why haven't you?”

Liam shrugged, “Haven't had the time really.”

Niall nodded and tossed the dirty, used rag in a bucket and scooted the bucket under the counter out of the way. He proceeded over to make himself a cup of tea, turning his back to Liam momentarily. Liam cleared his throat and rolled the sleeves of his hoodie up as he realized it was quite toasty in here and there was a thin layer of sweat forming on the back of his neck under his hair. Looking out the window, he saw that more snow was falling in light blankets that sparkled under the street lights and it looked so soft and fluffy- comforting even and Liam smiled to himself. He remembered when he was younger when his mum would get him all dressed in his warmest winter clothes and then she'd get herself dressed and she'd take him out in the back yard and she'd play with him and they would have countless snowball fights and they would waste the day making snow angels and not having a care in the world, not even when the sun was hidden behind the dark horizon. It was things like this that made Liam's stomach coil and tighten up in a large, unsettling knot. 

He would've kept on staring if he hadn't heard Niall gasp loudly. His head snapped over to look at the deep blue eyes that stared down at his arm and Liam was quick to roll his sleeve down to cover the multiple darkening bruises that spread over his forearms from where the handcuffs had managed to leave marks. Niall glanced up at Liam, his mouth moving as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't find any words. 

Liam jumped to his feet and gave Niall a quick slap on the shoulder, “Hey mate, I'll see ya around, yeah?”

Niall just merely nodded, watching with wide eyes as the brown haired boy jogged out of the coffee house.


	2. Black Eye.

_Febuary 1st, 2013.  
I met a boy today. He had big brown eyes and shaggy hair and a birthmark on the front of his neck and his name was Liam. He was cute. Really cute, actually. He seemed shy and I kept smiling the whole time like an idiot because I thought it was adorable the way that he would stumble over some of his words. We talked for a while and I was enjoying it which was odd because honestly I haven't talked that much in months- since I was released from the hospital. Of course, when I saw the dark bruises on his arm, I didn't know what to think. Liam on the other hand just brushed it off and smiled, telling me that he would see me around. So, that's pretty much it for today. Nothing interesting, as usual._

Niall-

 

Niall sighed and pushed his notebook (See: the only thing keeping him borderline sane.) to the side as he fell back against his pillows. He still felt like there was a cinder block crushing his heart because he couldn't get the image of the bruises out of his head. They weren't just bruises, they were dark purple and brown and there was red scratches imprinted on Liam's skin and Niall didn't understand how he could just brush it off with a smile and a pat on the shoulder. How could he just push it to the side like there was nothing there- like his skin was as perfect and smooth as ever? Niall had a million horrible thoughts running through his head and all it was doing was putting him in a dark place that he had spent months trying to claw himself out of. 

He remembered when he was around 16, he had a friend named Bailey who used to come to school every day with a new bruise on her arm, or wrist, or stomach, or back, or side, and sometimes she would even be sporting a black eye. There were nights when she would even show up at Niall's door in the wee hours of dawn with blood gushing from her nose or lip and Niall remembered that he would invite her in and hold her until she fell asleep and then he would cover her up and sit a glass of water beside her before he would go back up to his room and lay awake for hours. Bailey confided in Niall everyday and though she didn't have to admit that her dad was hitting her, it just made it more real and heart wrenching for Niall to actually hear. 

So, was Liam being abused? Were the bruises caused from the bullying at his school? Niall wasn't sure and he didn't know if he wanted to know or not. 

He took a deep breath and headed off to the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the towel rack before he quickly began shedding his clothing. He adjusted the water and stepped in, tilting his head downward to let the water run over his collarbones and down the front of his body and down between his sore shoulder blades and over the curve of his bum and it all caused Niall to sigh- almost moan because the warmth felt so good. His dad had been working him like a mule lately and though it may be unintentional, it was still annoying and tiring especially since Niall had college and exams to focus on. He was working for 6 hours a day on top of 7 hours of classes, adding up to a total of 13 hour days of non-stop work and it was doing quite the number on his body, leaving him sore from head to toe and his brain practically fried from his classes. 

Shower time definitely held the favorite part of the day title because it was the only time he got to relax unless he was writing in his notebook. If it was up to him, he would just drop his classes, quit work, and instead spend his days writing songs, playing his guitar, and taking way too long showers. But, his family was so caught up on telling him that keeping him busy would help him forget about the time spent in the hospital and that all of his “bad thoughts” would go away with a little healing time. 

Niall wasn't stupid. They were just telling themselves that to keep their own sanity because they didn't know how to deal with Niall when he had one of his episodes. 

He continued to scrub the shampoo through his hair, feeling his headache ease up as he massaged the sides of his head. And after he thoroughly got the conditioner in, he rinsed it out and washed his body off with his Axe shower gel before he finished. A towel now hung loosely on his hips as he rummaged through his closet for a plain white t-shirt before he threw on clean boxers and a pair of gray sweats. 

With a groan, he fell back against his pillows and stretched out with a yawn before he turned to his side and curled up.

+

The following morning he was up bright and early. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes all the while he was finishing putting his light wash skinny jeans on followed by his socks.

“Ni, ya want some breakfast before you go love?” His mum, Maura, asked as she creaked the door open.

Niall shook his head, “Nah, thanks ma.” 

Maura smiled at the blond boy in front of her and stepped out of his way when he came through his his backpack full of text books and papers before he jogged down the stairs to grab a glass of orange juice. 

“Already take it Ni?”Greg asked. Greg had just turned 26 years old and though he had his days filled with trying to find a job constantly he still made time to stop by for breakfast every morning. 

Niall nodded, “Yeah, right after I got up. Any luck with jobs yet?”

“Nope. I'm running out of options I think.” His eyes roamed over the newspaper once more for probably the thousandth time this morning.

“You'll find something. I'll catch ye guys later!” 

Niall kissed his mom on the cheek and disappeared out of the house. He brought the hood of his black hoodie up and shoved his hands in the pockets to warm them. London mornings were frigidly cold much like Ireland's, and despite that Niall was used to it, it still managed to sneak it's way into his lungs and cause him to break out into a coughing a fit because it almost took his breath away. The sun set high above the spots of clouds and gave an orange glow to the tips of the buildings and houses with the color of the blue sky to tie it all together. 

Kids of Niall's age walked past him, a few boys and girls walking hand in hand and a few same sex couples had their hands tangled together and stole a few kisses here and there. Niall smiled softly at the memory that barely ghosted in his mind. 

He and Isaac had been happy like that once. Niall remembers the way their hands just _fit_ and how their lips seemed to lock in the right ways. The two were the epitome of what a relationship should be and then like anything else in his life, it all came crashing down around him and scarring him in so many places that Niall wasn't sure if he'd even partially recover. If relationships are meant for two people only, then why would you brag to your friends about it and embarrass the other party? And why would you want to go sleep with other countless randoms and risk it all? 

Niall asked himself the same question everyday, over and over again until he could fill the hollow spot in his chest re-opening like a half healed wound. 

The young man was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the familiar laughs of Louis and Harry striding towards him. They were cute together. Louis' face was buried in Harry's curls and Harry had the biggest smile Niall's ever seen on anyone etched onto his face, his dimples melting into his cheeks. 

“Hey Ni!” Harry greeted.

“Hey Haz. Hey Lou.” 

“Ready for this maths exam?”

Niall tipped his head back and groaned, “No. But, let's get a move on before we're late.” 

Louis and Harry's hands never broke their hold. If anything it got stronger as they walked closer and closer to their University. Along the way, they met up Zayn just as he was walking out of his house. As usual, the Bradford native had a cigarette hanging from his lips, smoke flowing from his mouth, his hair all messed with, dark stubble forming, a leather jacket, ripped jeans, and his paintbrushes in his hands. His fingers were still streaked with paint here and there, but his brushes were clean. Zayn may have been the laziest person Niall had ever known, but he'd never let his beloved paint brushes stay dirty. They were only dirty when they were being used. Clenched in his hands was a large canvas. A painting covered the entire surface and Niall made out the lines and the shapes until he got what the picture was. 

The painting was Perrie Edwards, Zayn's girlfriend of almost 2 years. Zayn had every little detail of her down to a T. He captured the way her hair fell in loose curls, the crinkle of her nose, her smile lines, the sparkle that laid in her blue eyes, and the shape of her lips. To Niall it looked like it was an actual photograph that someone had taken. 

“Wow Zayn, what's this for?” Niall asked.

“A project. Mrs. Heathers asked us to paint a portrait of something that's inspired us.”

“It's incredible!” Louis gushed.

“Thanks mates. I worked on it all night.”

Zayn'll be famous one day and his art will be in every museum known to man. Niall could already picture it. 

As they crossed the road, Niall glanced over to the local basketball court and saw the familiar tousle of dark brown hair and the same dark blue hoodie that he had seen yesterday. He watched as the orange basketball swirled around the top of the hoop before he fall down with a _whoosh_.

“I'll catch up to you mates.” 

Niall picked up the basketball as it rolled to a stop by his feet. Liam turned around, surprised to see the blond boy, but he smiled softly. He looked different this time and the reason being that he was sporting a nice black eye. “Thanks mate,” He said and took the ball from Niall's hands. He dribbled it and did a layup, his shirt rising the tiniest bit but enough to make Niall blush.

“Your eye okay?” 

“Yeah, 'sfine.” Liam mumbled.

“What happened to it?”

“I opened a cabinet too quickly and the edge of it got me real good. Hurt like a bitch.” 

“I bet. You wanna walk with me and my mates?” Niall offered.

Liam glanced behind Niall and spotted the three boys standing there waiting. He shook his head, “No thanks. My school's just around the corner. I'm sure I can manage,” He joked.

Niall shrugged his shoulders. It was obvious that Liam wasn't up for talking much at the time, so he just nodded. 

“Okay. You should probably get some ice for that from the nurse or something. It looks like it's swelling pretty bad.”

“I will. Catch ya later?”

“Uhm, yeah of course.” 

Liam chucked the ball to the side and grabbed his tattered Adidas backpack from the ground beside the fence that wrapped around the court before he jogged off in the opposite direction of Niall. Niall scratched the back of his head and met back up with Harry, Louis, and Zayn.

“Who was that?” Zayn asked.

“A friend that I met yesterday.”


	3. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _And it's you and me and all of the people  
>  and I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you._  
> 

Over the next week, Liam had to endure the continuous abuse and sexual advances that his step father had been taking on him for the last 4 years of his life. He had to deal with the being gagged and tied up and slapped and choked and Liam had countless bruises on his body in all kinds of new places- on his arms, his back, his sides, his hips. They were everywhere. And Niall had been hanging out with him almost everyday after their classes were let out and surely he noticed the bruises but yet he never questioned Liam about them and he never made a fuss to get Liam to talk about it. Niall just let it slide and kept on rambling on whatever came to his mind in his thick Irish accent and Liam was grateful that he didn't try to pry his deepest darkest secrets out of him like most people would have. Niall would just sit there and talk and let Liam talk and that was it. It was as easy as icing a cake for the two. 

Liam kicked the pebbles at his feet as he lazily drug himself around the basketball court. The sun was setting and the sky was tinted a bright orange color with the lightest dash of pink. He inhaled the slightly damp, chilled air and exhaled slowly. He had been hanging around for hours just waiting for everyone to go home so he could practice dancing- though it seemed to be taking everyone years to leave. 

“Liam!” 

Liam turned on his heels to see the blond boy running towards him. Niall's cheeks were red as always and he was out of breath by the time he reached Liam from the coldness that had targeted his lungs when he ran. 

“Hey Niall.” 

“Hey, what's up?”

“Nothing. Just...hanging around.” 

“Right. Look, me and my mates are going to a party tonight. Wanna come along?” 

“Uhm, I-”

“Please? It'll be fun and give you a chance to get to know the lads.”

Niall smiled and Liam scratched the back of his head nervously. Parties weren't his thing at all. In fact, he preferred to just sit in the basketball court half of the night by himself to avoid any embarrassing party moments that he would surely have to endure if he was busted by the jocks. He knew that they would most likely beat the shit out of him, or throw alcohol in his face, or something stupid and immature along those lines and he couldn't take any more public humiliation than he already had to. Either that or he hung out with Danielle, his best friend since middle school. Anything to avoid jocks and his dad really. 

But, Niall went to a different university than Liam did, so there was no way that the jocks would be there so it certainly had to be safe. 

“Uhm, yeah sure.”

“Cool! I'll meet ye here around 8?”

Liam lightly blushed, “Sure!” 

“Alright, catcha' later!” 

And with that said, Niall slapped Liam on the shoulder with a smile and jogged off in the other direction. A bubble of nerves formed in Liam's stomach as he quickly pulled out his phone and dialed Danielle's number. There was no way he'd be able to get ready at his house without his dad noticing and he already had a few clothes stored at Danielle's place for when he would drag his way there in the middle of the night so she could pick up the pieces and listen to his utterly broken sobs. Now that he thinks about it, it was a good idea to keep an overnight bad there. 

“LiLi!” The curly haired weirdo chirped. 

“Hey Dani! Uhm, I need a favor?”

“Anything for you babe. What is it?”

“Can I come by and get ready for a party over there?”

“A party? Oohhh, who invited you to a party? A girl? Is she cute?”

“Dani!” Liam laughed lightly, “No, it wasn't a girl. It was a boy. A friend!” He added on quickly and felt a small blush form.

“Of course you can babe. But, I'm picking the outfit out.” Liam could picture her grin.

“As always Dani.”

+

Twenty-three minutes later Liam stood in the middle of Danielle's dark purple bedroom that was decorated with girly things such as a full body mirror, a vanity that held a minimal amount of make-up, white curtains over her window, and a see through canopy splayed over her bed. Liam rolled his eyes as she rummaged through all of her hair brushes to find her favorite one that she would be styling Liam's hair with.

“Dani, just give me a comb. It's not like I have to look attractive anyway.”

“Bollocks! You never know Li, a pretty girl might be there and might have you on her radar.” Danielle winked, hooking her eyebrow up. Liam rolled his eyes once more and turned back to look at himself in the mirror that Danielle had made him stand in front of while she played dress up with him as if he were a barbie doll or something. 

Although, she did have quite the good fashion sense and knew what Liam would look best in, so he really couldn't and didn't complain when she put him in beige skinny jeans, a red flannel with the first three buttons undone to reveal the tiniest bit of his chest, and white Converse. She quickly ran a brush through his hair and told him to shake it with his fingers to make it look a tad messed with. She also applied concealer around the still slightly black eye so that it looked like it had never been there at all and he smiled at her thankfully because God knows that last thing he needs is more people to poke fun at him and make stupid assumptions about how he must've gotten into a fight and didn't know how to defend himself like a real man should. Besides, he wasn't a man. He was a 19 year old kid and in his defense he did have the body to defend himself if he needed to, but that didn't mean he was invincible. 

“I don't think so Dani. Girls aren't exactly looking at me.”

“I don't see why. You're a complete knock out. I'd bang you if we weren't best friends.” 

“Nice to know.” Liam laughed coughing when Danielle sprayed cologne on him. “Where'd you get cologne from?” 

“I bought it for you incase you would ever need it and I was right, as always.” 

Liam stuck his tongue out at her and let her finish her work and then he hugged her when she was finished and told him he was free to go. The entire time he walked to the basketball court he could feel the nerves coiling around and forming a huge knot in the pit of his belly. He wasn't one to get out and socialize and it was no shock that he was nervous, especially since he was going to be in a room full of people he didn't know. He supposed it was better than being in a room full of people that he _did_ know because maybe then he wouldn't be looked down upon as much. Despite all of that, it made him feel more at ease that Niall would be there. 

By the time he had approached the basketball court, Niall was already there. He had his back turned to Liam as he kicked around a few pebbles and he had his hands shoved in his pockets as usual. Liam cleared his throat, causing the distracted blond to flick his eyes up. Niall was wear a white t-shirt with a gray cardigan over it, black chinos, and white Supras. His hair was down against his head, slightly untamed and curving over to the right. Liam hadn't realized Niall's hair was so long when it wasn't all quiffed up and to be honest, Niall looked good. And Liam couldn't pinpoint a reason, but he felt a bit winded when Niall's eyes had caught his own. 

“Hey Liam. Ready to go?”

Liam swallowed, “Yeah, definitely.”

+

“You look good.” Niall complimented him when they had reached about the fifteen minute point of their walk to get Niall's friends.

“Thanks, you too.” Liam said shyly and attempted to hide the blush on his cheeks when he pretended to find something interesting about the road.

“Cold?” Niall asked.

“No. Why?”

“Oh, you're face is red and I figured maybe the wind had made you cold.”

Hearing this made Liam blush even harder. He wasn't even sure why he was blushing but Niall made him feel...giddy. Maybe it was the constant smile he had on his face. Maybe it was his accent. Or maybe it was just because Niall was the only person who he had felt genuinely comfortable around. He wasn't sure, but it was nice. 

“I'm good.”

“Okay. Wait here while I go get Haz and Lou.”

Liam stood back and watched as Niall knocked on the door and a few seconds later two boys emerged, their hands tangled together while the one with the fringed hair places a kiss on the cheek of the one with voluptuous curls. Liam smiled at the two boys when they finally reached him and shook both of their hands.

“Liam, this is Harry and Louis. Haz, Lou, this is Liam.” 

“Nice to meet ya officially mate! Niall's told us about you this past week.” Louis slapped Liam's back in a friendly gesture.

Niall huffed and shook his head. 

“All good things, I hope.”

“Just that you're funny and really shy at first.” Harry smirked, causing his dimples to melt into his cheeks.

“That's true.” Liam laughed. 

“Zayn coming tonight lads?” 

“Nah, he's with Perrie for their anniversary.”

“Awh, wittle Zaynie is tied down.”

“Hey! We're tied down.” Louis said and kissed Harry on the lips hard enough to make Harry stumble slightly. Liam felt a small tug in his chest as he watched a smile spread out over Harry's face before he leaned in and kissed Louis' cheek. It was evident that the two were all about each other and no one else. It was so obvious that Liam was sure they wouldn't be able to hide it if they tried. The two were in love and Liam envied them a little bit, yet he was happy to know that happiness did exist somewhere.

“I know. I'm the only one left!” Niall pouted.

“Don't worry mate. Someone will come along.” 

Niall rolled his eyes. 

The rest of the walk there was filled with jokes and a lot of laughter. Louis and Harry were definitely something else and they seemed to play off of each other's sense of humor and they would have everyone lauging in a minute. Niall cracked a few jokes and kept Liam entertained, telling him about Ireland and the pubs and anything else that came to mind. Niall had made it known that he missed Ireland and Liam smiled softly at him when Niall simply shrugged it off and let him slide into the house first. 

The house was big but it was swarmed with people dancing and holding drinks in their hands while they continued to bump and grind to the music that blared so loud that Liam could feel his chest vibrating as the tempo picked up. Liam spotted in a few corners couples were making out and pushing against each other and groping in places that probably shouldn't be groped in public places. Liam breathed deeply, praying that his anxiety stayed under control in the throng of all of these people. The last thing he needed was to have a panic attack and ruin everyone's night.

Harry and Louis disappeared off into the crowd and Liam spotted them dancing directly in the middle of everyone, clearly not caring that all eyes were on them. They seemed to like being center of attention- they seemed to like to display their love for everyone to see. 

“Want a drink?” Niall asked, offering a red plastic cup to Liam. 

“What is it?” 

“Beer.”

Liam knew he was a lightweight, but one beer wouldn't hurt.

“Thanks.”

“Cheers!” Niall smiled and bumped his cup against Liam's. Liam smiled and took a sip. So far, no one had looked at him like he was a total outcast and that made Liam smile even wider. His eyes, however, kept drifting from his cup and the people over to Niall. Niall's blue eyes had a sparkle in them that really brought out the yellow flecks and if the lighting hit them right, they shined brightly. Then he would laugh at something one of his other mates would say and his head would tip back and then he would look over at Liam and Liam would feel a blush rising on his cheeks. He had to turn away almost every time Niall looked at him. 

There was no denying the flutter of Liam's tummy and it made him nervous. He hadn't acted this way around someone since he had a huge crush on Cher back in Secondary School. Cher was one of his good friends now, even after they had tried dating for a bit there. 

“I'll be right back Liam. I have to go for a wee.” 

The thought of being alone in a room full of strangers made Liam nervous at the first mention of it, but he nodded anyway. Liam continued to sip on his drink and act casual, trying to make himself blend in by leaning lazily against a wall with his hand shoved deep in his pocket like the rest of the boys here. It was working, until he was roughly shoved. 

He stumbled and glanced up, his eyes meeting with dark green ones that seemed clouded by rage. 

“Wh-”

Liam couldn't comprehend what was happening. All he knew was that he just got a beer tossed in his face and now he was being shoved against a wall. His eyes stung so he kept them closed before blinking a couple of times to see who his attacker had been but the beer stung too much for him to keep his eyes open for more than a second. 

Niall had just came out of the bathroom and his brow quirked up at the commotion that everyone seemed to be taking a quick liking to. He pushed through everyone roughly when he realized that it was the exact spot that he had left Liam in and he was just hoping that he wouldn't find Liam in the mix of a fight. 

He was surprised to find that not only was Liam being ganged up on, but it was _Issac_. _His_ Issac. The one he had spent so many nights sobbing and getting sick over and he felt his heart drop into his stomach as if he had been punched in the gut.

He sucked in a sharp breath and felt his fist clench. Not only was Issac hurting Liam, but he was hurting Niall by just simply being here and Niall was only getting madder by each passing second that he had to fight his way through the last bits of the crowd. 

All it took was one punch. 

One punch and Issac was landing on his ass, looking up at Niall with eyes as wide as saucers. Niall grit his teeth together and helped Liam to his feet, feeling Liam cuddle against his side like a small and scared child, which oddly made Niall's heart skip slightly. 

“C'mon Liam, let's get you out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback back is nice, yeah? xx


	4. The Ex.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Turn the sheets down  
>  Murder ears with pillow lace_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Mentions of sexual abuse at the end.

Niall kept a hold on Liam's waist the entire time they walked back to his house and dabbed Liam's eyes with the sleeve of his cardigan to lighten up the stinging that he kept complaining about. Niall was utterly embarrassed about Issac's actions and he almost didn't even want to tell Liam that the reason why he had gotten attacked was Niall's fault because he had a jealous ex-boyfriend with anger issues. Niall hadn't even known he was going to be there. Hell, Niall thought Issac had moved because he hadn't seen or heard from since their break-up, but Niall should've rememberd Issac has a habit of just magically showing up- unwanted and unexpected. 

“How's yer eye?”

“It stings.” 

Niall had a sympathetic look on his face as he helped Liam climb the stairs of his back porch. Niall knew that his parents weren't home seeing as they both seemed to spend time out of the house when they knew it would be just Niall at home. Niall hated admitting it to himself, but he knew exactly why they stayed away and it made him feel like there was a constant, painful clutch on his heart knowing that he was the reason that his parents hated being home. Of course, he would to if he had to raise a son with more baggage than Heathrow and had spent more than a year and a half in the hospital just so he was able to stay mentally stable so they didn't lock him up in the looney bin or something. He didn't blame them as much as he should.

“Here, sit on the couch. I'll get a cold rag for yer eyes.” 

Liam sat where Niall guided him and kept rubbing his eyes. Niall's house was warm thankfully and Liam was actually freezing and had ended up regretting not wearing a heavier jacket when Danielle had told him to, insisting that he'd be fine. He basked in the warmth that healed the coldness on his nose and cheeks and he sunk into the fluffy cushioned couch, a smile spreading thankfully on his face when Niall handed him a cold rag. The wet, cold sensation knocked the stinging away and Liam's vision was no longer blurry- it remained a tad fuzzy, but he could see at least. 

“Better?” Niall asked.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, thank you.”

There was a pause between the two. Niall ran his fingers through the tufts of his blond hair and sighed, preparing the apology that he'd have to make on Issac's be half.

“Hey, I'm sorry about Issac. He can be a proper dick.”

“You know that guy?”

Niall cleared his throat uncomfortably, “Uhm, yeah...he's my ex-boyfriend..”

Liam's eyes went wide briefly, yet there's still a feeling of relief settling in his stomach. “So, you're, uhm, you're-” Liam stuttered, lips tripping over his tongue.

“-Gay. You can say it, it's okay.” Niall chuckled in an assuring tone that made Liam's belly feel weird and tingly. 

“Right. Uhm, it's okay. It's not like I'm severely injured, right?” Liam tried to joke but it ended up failing and falling into an uncomfortable laugh.

“Right, but you could've been. Issac has anger issues, and he's gets- you know, we'll discuss this later. Movie?” Niall babbled, his sentence running together and his accent thickening only slightly. 

“Uhm, I really should be getting home.” 

“Liam, honestly, I don't think I like the idea of Issac possibly getting his hands on you again. So, either Grease or The Woman in Black?”

+

Niall wasn't very brave when it came to horror films as he was burying his face in the crook of Liam's neck and tucking pieces of Liam's flannel in his mouth to keep himself from screaming, but he admitted that he loved watching them.

Liam felt Niall's breath against his neck- hot and shaky against Liam's skin and a crimson colored blush spread across Liam's cheeks and to the tips of his ears. Niall's breath smelled oddly sweet with undertones of alcohol and it was almost...dazing. Liam could feel his neck growing hot under the collar of his flannel and he swallowed down his nerves and continued letting Niall hide his eyes in his neck anyway, despite that he was turning into a crimson heap of tight nerves and awkwardness. 

“Here's an idea, how about tea instead of me hiding in your neck like a little pussy?” Niall suggested, raising a part of Liam's collar up to cover the telly from his view. 

Liam cleared his throat, not trusting himself to sound normal if he didn't, “I think that's a grand idea.”

When Niall got up, he moved his feet so quickly to avoid the dark corners of his house that Liam swore he never saw them make contact with the floor once until Niall had crossed over into the kitchen safely. He quickly brought the kettle from it's place under the sink, filled it with water, and set it on the stove to boil before he got out two mugs and then fixated himself on a tall kitchen stool right across from Liam. Liam glanced down, noticing how Niall's feet dangled above the ground while Liam's reached almost completely flat, obviously having the advantage in height. 

“I'm short, I know.” Niall laughed and Liam blushed, embarrassed at the fact that Niall had caught him staring. 

Liam took a second to gather his words, “Not that short.”   
“You're not a very good liar, are you?”

“Not always, no. And especially not when proof is sitting right in front of me.” Liam laughed. 

Niall laughed to and it was absolutely mind clogging the way he sounded when he laughed, along with the way he looked- lips pulled back to reveal his perfect, braced teeth, eyes crinkled with mirth, a breathy sound with a loud waver starting deep in his throat and erupting from his mouth, and once again it made Liam feel funny inside. Niall's laugh kind of lingered in his mind and probed at his brain cells until he was almost in his own little world. 

To be honest, Liam doesn't remember smiling and laughing this much, despite that it wasn't much, but it still kind of was in a way- way more than he had been doing the past few years. This was going well. Him and Niall were a good combination together. Niall was loud and cheerful and optimistic and Liam was mature, kind hearted, and shared the same sense of humor as the bouncy blond boy he had come to discover since his time spent with Niall over the week. 

“Hey! That wasn't very nice mate.” 

“The truth isn't always nice.”

“Touche.” Niall nodded, getting up to pour the hot water from the kettle and into the two mugs. He placed a tea bag in each and put three sugars in his.

“How many sugars?”

“Three please.” 

“A man after me heart,” Niall joked, “take mine the same way.” 

Liam stirred the spoon around in his light colored tea and took a long, refreshing sip that was easy and kind to his throat. It was so much better than the stale tap water he was forced to drink since his step-dad literally had no money at all to go out and buy decent drinks. It reminded him of the tea his mum used to make for him on a cold evening when snow would fall and a flood of memories came rushing back in a whirlwind and Liam smiled, finding a fondness in the memories instead of sadness. 

“Thank you.” Liam said with a smile. Niall smiled back and nodded. In Liam's mind, a question poked and prodded around and Liam could feel it swimming up his throat like word vomit because Liam was always oh so curious about stuff that most likely wasn't his business, but he wanted to know what exactly happened between Issac and Niall. He was risking making Niall mad, but Liam could tell that the younger boy had been on edge ever since his encounter with Issac. He looked hurt and confused and thrown off balance with the surprise show up. 

“Can- Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, anything.” 

Liam flashed a nervous smile and took a breath, “How did it all start with you and, uhm, Issac?” 

Liam cringed inwardly at the way that Niall's muscles seemed to tense and the way that his jaw locked and how his eyes seemed to dim and set in stone on the ground. His brows furrowed, pulling his forehead down to cause small crinkles to appear in the middle. On the inside, Niall was at war with himself- trying to keep his emotions under control and speak calmly, trying to keep himself from crumbling at the flashbacks that were attacking him at the mention of Issac's name. He couldn't, _wouldn't_ , get mad at Liam for asking, though. He was sure Liam was just curious because of how he had been attacked and maybe he wanted more answers to dig through- a source of sorts.

“You want the whole story, or just the shitty parts?” 

Liam pondered for a moment. He wanted to answer just the shitty parts, but another part of him wanted to know _everything_. The _stubborn_ and all too _curious_ part of him wanted to know and he knew he was powerless against that side of himself.

“Uh, the whole story.” 

Niall nodded once, licked his lips, set his tea down, and cleared his throat. As he began to speak, he felt the familiar clench on his heart, but his face remained peaceful and calm. 

“Well, after word had gotten out that I was gay and after everyone had had their fun with the hurtful words and the sometimes but not always empty threats, I ended up letting Louis and Harry drag me out to a party one night because they both insisted that I needed to get properly wrecked, that I deserved it. A few weeks prior, one of Issac's friends heard me admit to Louis and Haz that I thought Issac was easy on the eyes,”

Niall smiled softly for a brief moment and Liam saw a spark in his eyes as he rubbed he palms of his hands against his trousers and took a deep breath before he continued.

“Some of the boys in the year ahead of me began pushing me and teasing me, calling me a _faggot_ and a _butt pirate_ and of course Louis and his big mouth and short temper had gotten pissed and ended up fighting them all and I was just stood there with tears running down my face, my cheeks beet red with embarrassment. I wanted to just crumble into myself and disappear. I thought it was going to be worse when I had spotted Issac making his way through the bodies of people; right in _my_ direction,” 

Another smile graced his lips, his eyes crinkling again. It made Liam smile, too; almost like Niall's smile forced Liam's.

“But, it wasn't. Because Issac had cupped my face in his hands and kissed me so hard that I thought he was going to swallow my gum. He made sure everyone saw it too- let them know that he didn't care what they thought. He was my first relationship ever. I'd had girlfriends before, but that was when I was trying to convince myself that my feelings towards boys was just a phase. Anyway, Issac and I had the perfect relationship. We made each other laugh, we got into fights over the stupidest things, we held hands, we poked fun at each other, we made sure that everyone knew we were together. My favorite was when he would steal kisses from me in the middle of the school halls and when he would randomly grab my hand and show me off like I was some sort of prize,” 

There was a new emotion dwelling inside of the small Irish boy. His chest felt tight and his belly was in a tangible, giant, knot that was sitting like a rock inside of him. His eyes were a tad glassy and there was a softness about his features that made him seem like he was okay when really he was just a huge mess. 

“I think that's what made everything so hard for me. I convinced myself that there would never be anyone like him- that he was perfect and he'd never do anything wrong and he was one of the sweet guys like meself. I couldn't have been more wrong. One year into the relationship, I still hadn't ever let him go farther than kissing and groping. I thought he was fine with it, but it just so happens that his friends began making fun of him for it and telling him that he was a pussy because he wasn't taking control of the situation and just getting it over with. He told them all that I'd let him tie me up and use toys and that I'd let him go in without a condom and that was so fucking humiliating for me. I had to find out through Harry and Louis that he was bragging about stuff that didn't even happen. I ended up calling him out in front of everyone because I was so angry and I told everyone that he was lying and we were both screaming over top of each other and of course in the midst of silence, he told me that he only used me because my family was rich and that I was only good for buying him nice things. And the next night, he had an orgy with three other guys and I hadn't seen him in over 2 years until tonight.” 

Liam blinked at Niall, speechless. There was a hint of bewilderment spurring at him. Niall was so faultless and innocent and _good_ and Liam didn't see how anyone could do something so devious and hurtful to him. It would be like breaking the heart of a small, fragile child. 

“Wow...”

Niall nodded solemnly, “Yeah, it fucking sucked. It still sucks. It gets easier, but I still have my days were it seems impossible to get over. Shit happens, though.” 

Liam took another drink of his tea, his eyes focusing on Niall still. It didn't seem like he had struck a nerve on the outside, but Liam was better at reading people than he let on. Niall was hurting, but he was refusing to let it show. Niall was the same way Liam was with his emotions in a way. 

“Sorry that I asked mate.” Liam apologized.

“S'okay. Talking about it probably helps eventually, right?” He grinned lazily.

+

Niall had drove Liam home after they had talked for a bit longer. And Liam walked right back into the big, black cloud of regret, and dread, and _fear_. The door had creaked open with a low, taunting growl. The blueish glow of the telly shown on the walls, creating shadows at the corners and the raw, pungent smell of whiskey wafted strongly through Liam's nostrils. His belly clenched at the smell followed by a strong wave of queasiness and Liam looked around the living room and the kitchen and the small den where his mum used to go to relax that Roger had turned into a storage place for cases of beer and bottles of hard liquor. That would most definitely explain why Liam's clothes always smelt like it.

It was eerily quiet, but Liam just shrugged it off and crawled his way up the stairs to his room. All of the lights in the house were off and the only sound Liam could heard was the show playing on the TV downstairs, the sound growing fainter as Liam finally reached the door to his room. Noticing that his door was slightly cracked was odd because he usually kept it shut completely to keep Roger out of sorting through his personal things, and it caused him to make a weird face and pop the door open all the way. 

He was then staring into sheer darkness; the kind that gave you a nervous feeling in your gut and made you feel like it was going to swallow you up so that you'd never see daylight again. The kind that made you question if there was someone lurking and waiting for you. 

Liam slowly and shakily flicked on his light switch, jumping nearly out of his skin when he saw Roger sitting on his bed, legs crossed, foot swinging expectantly as he fingered the sheets of Liam's bed. Liam swallowed thickly, unstably. 

“You're late.” Roger spoke, his tone entwined with venom and dry humor.

Liam remained silent. He flinched when Roger got to his feet. Roger circled Liam and Liam could feel his dark, mucky colored gray eyes burning through his skull and he was beginning to curl into himself, his fear over taking him. His knees were shaking, ready to buckle beneath his weight as a rough, calloused finger swept over his cheek bone. A sinister grin was formed. The deafening sound of a loud slap echoed off of the walls and rang in Liam's ears. 

“What did I tell you about being late?” Roger growled, not giving Liam enough time to answer, “I told you that I wanted you at a certain time, didn't I? Didn't I?!” 

He grabbed Liam's chin and forced the teenager to look at him. Rage blazed in his eyes, burning like a wildfire and Liam felt his heart drop. He knew what was coming. 

“Drop your pants and turn around. It's gonna be a long night for you baby boy.” 

A dry sob escaped Liam's lips before he was tossed onto his stomach on top of his mattress.


End file.
